My Biggest Fear of Starting Med School

My med school orientation begins early August. The last time I checked, I had 53 more days until then. My housing situation is set, my immunizations are (mostly) done, and I’m actively looking for furniture (why are queen-size mattresses so expensive?!)…but I digress.

I’m nervous about starting med school. Will “med student” become my entire identity? Will my other passions (reading, writing, yoga, etc) will be pushed aside, for when I determine that I am “done” studying? What if I never finish studying? These are the thoughts that bounce around in my head, as I attempt to cherish the final weeks of freedom. As I read one of my 15 library books, my mind continues to interrupt me with newly formed what-if’s.

I realize that much of the responsibility falls on me to find (some form of) balance, rest to prevent burn-out, and ultimately, figure out what works for me. Starting this blog was an act of self-care; I am holding myself accountable to reflect on my experiences, no matter how busy I get. I hope this little space on the internet reminds me (and you, my dear reader) that ‘med student’ does not have to become our entire identity, if we don’t want it to.

Being an introvert, I process things best through writing. Even when I talk things through with close friends, I find myself gravitating towards my journal afterwards to further process things. I know my love for books is what propels me to write. I write to understand how I feel and to share my thoughts with others; one run-on sentence at a time. As John Green says, “writing is something you do alone. It’s a profession for introverts who want to tell you a story but don’t want to make eye contact while doing it.”

Of course, I’m also excited about starting my first year. I’m excited to meet my classmates, live in another part of the country, and have a new apartment to decorate. To have this opportunity to pursue medicine is something I hope to be grateful for everyday, even during midterm season and times I feel overwhelmed.

2 thoughts on “My Biggest Fear of Starting Med School

  1. I had exactly the same fears going into Medicine, and I have to tell you they are completely valid. It is so wonderful that you have made a conscious decision to maintain this blog as a form of self-care. I sincerely hope that you find that balance and continue to pursue your passions throughout medical school. Best of luck!

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