October Update

“There’s no doubt in my mind that you can do this.”

My faculty mentor pulled me aside and said these words to me earlier this afternoon.

“This,” implying medical school.

We’ve had this conversation before, with me coming up with various rebuttals. Regardless of what I say, he reminds me that his confidence in my abilities to thrive are unwavering.

It’s no secret that I feel overwhelmed, nearly all the time. After lecture today, I once again found myself questioning if I can really do this.

Building up self-confidence and talking about resilience is easier said than done. While I still see myself as a resilient individual, I am starting to realize that I may not be as resilient as I thought. I don’t bounce back from failures as quickly as I would like and my tendency to be self-critical has reached another all-time high.

That being said, I’m still taking steps towards the right direction and acknowledging the little “wins” along the way. My wins for today include a seeing a pretty sunrise, advocating for myself, having a productive anatomy lab session, and getting a delicious donut from a friend.

Spending the rest of the evening studying for an exam later this week and looking at my current obstacles from a different perspective. While my obstacles are real and my feelings are valid, they come from a place of privilege. I have the opportunity to pursue a career in a field that I am passionate about and my sole responsibility for the next two years is to study and pass exams.

Lastly, I’m reminding myself that deep down inside, I do believe that I can do this.

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