I was the unfortunate recipient of unwanted male attention today, while I was volunteering this afternoon. While I despise having to do this, I am mindful of what I wear when I go volunteer every week. Today, I was wearing a loose navy shirt and shorts. The shorts I was wearing were a pair I have worn to service before and since I did not get any creepy comments or unwanted attention then, I assumed I would be safe wearing them again. I wore no makeup and kept my hair in a messy braid, so no one can touch it. I realize now that none of those things really help deter this type of attention, but more on that later.
I’ve gone to yoga four times this week. Even more importantly, I’m listening to my body during my practice.
For the longest time, I compared myself to other people in the class. I would find myself upset when they could do a pose that I couldn’t and then immediately feel guilty for engaging in this comparison game. I also hated modifying poses. I’m pretty sure having that stubborn mentality resulted in some injuries.
Two nights ago, I had trouble sleeping. I try to be in bed by 9 so I can read to unwind.
Lights out by 10, at the very latest.
Last night, I was still wide awake at 10:20.
I slept for a bit until 11:02.
Tossing and turning, the next thing I noticed was that it was past midnight and I was still up.
Frustrated and confused, I gave up at that point.
I unplugged my phone from the charger and started scrolling through Instagram and Facebook. Checked my email. Messaged a friend, telling him that I couldn’t sleep and that I think it was because I spent too much time reading the news. I must have fell asleep at some point because I didn’t read his reply until I woke up this morning.
A few months ago, I visited a close friend who lives and volunteers full-time at a house of hospitality on the El Paso and Juárez border. She lives and works with individuals and families that cross the border, and also leads immersion trips for college and other groups that stay at their house. The house she works at runs entirely on donations and volunteers, like her.
My med school orientation begins early August. The last time I checked, I had 53 more days until then. My housing situation is set, my immunizations are (mostly) done, and I’m actively looking for furniture (why are queen-size mattresses so expensive?!)…but I digress.
I’m nervous about starting med school. Will “med student” become my entire identity? Will my other passions (reading, writing, yoga, etc) will be pushed aside, for when I determine that I am “done” studying? What if I never finish studying? These are the thoughts that bounce around in my head, as I attempt to cherish the final weeks of freedom. As I read one of my 15 library books, my mind continues to interrupt me with newly formed what-if’s.